My Ceiling

I like my ceiling. The way it was finished there are many pretty patterns. Sometimes it looks like a wave that is crashing down on something. I have been feeling listless today. Still haven't gotten paid. Probably going to have to borrow the rent money. I dislike borrowing money. Lending a dollar for a friend to get a soda, or ten for a diner is different. Mom can I borrow the rent; that is a downer.

I made a salad dressing today, it was a basic vinaigrette with roasted red peppers. It will be good, I think it would also be good over rice.

Today is fat tuesday, a day of celebration. I don't feel very celebratory. We are getting together at Jer's house to eat smoked chicken. but I kind of want to go to the wetlands. It is a bar, and some friends are going to see the essentials play. I like hanging at Jer's but at the same time, I want to go out and meet people. On a metaphysical level, I'm not going to meet someone at Jer's. It is mostly going to be couples, or friends. No one I could have a relationship with. Not that I want a relationship because my life is so unstable at the moment. Thus the salad dressing. I like cooking, you can control everything:)

But on big nights of celebration I want to be out, meeting people. Connecting on some larger level. But what happens when the night turns out lame and I come back to Jer's at three in the morning and they had a great time:). Living is not easy.

I think I will call this one Life