Kidz

I used to like kids. They used to be fun little people that weren't tied up in all the bullshit that all of us normal sized people can't seem to get over. I am here to tell you right now that if you bring your kids to my restaurant I will cock slap you from here to next week. Jesus Christ, we are not a chucky cheese, no we don't have a kids menu, and please pick up the war zone that is your table after your adorable little monsters have reenacted the battle of the bulge.

On Wednesday a lady walks in with seven little angels between the ages of four and seven. We turn two four tops and drag over an extra two top to make a giant banquet tabel for them to slowly destroy. But oh no, why would they stay at there table? Instead they just wander around Zenon, getting underfoot and generally making all of our jobs harder. And where was mommy? Talking with her friends and downing two bottles of wine between three rather petit thirty somethings.

I really don't blame the kids. They don't know any better, but mommy; I have an ire for mommy that can only be adequately described by a person with a much more sizable vocabulary than I. Teach your children to behave, kids are actually really smart, I promise with some honest discussion and firm but fair rules you will be able to take them into any social situation.

Until then stay the hell away from my restaurant.